foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
