Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
