One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize