I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
