is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
