Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
