sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
