drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
