maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
