I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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