How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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