if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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