good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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