genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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