no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
