I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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