it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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