May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize