I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize