How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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