We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
