All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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