I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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