yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
that may or may not have been my penis.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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