my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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