I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
