she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
