I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
where are you?
Hypothermia
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
