I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
