nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
