the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
