sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
