ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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