Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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