She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
