Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
