umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
