is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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