I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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