Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
