Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
