An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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