1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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