i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize