kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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