I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
