If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
