Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
