I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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