White coat. Heels.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
