i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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