I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
