Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
