Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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