there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
a search helicopter?!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
