I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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