dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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