i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
