Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
