how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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