Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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