i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
