Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
