I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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