he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
