dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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