Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
