my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
