Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think i have two assholes
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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