I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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