I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
