Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
