I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
