You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
