U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
