It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
